Breadcrumb #689

LHC

There’s a man in Astoria named Pasquale. He calls out to me and my friend as we walk down the sidewalk. Though I do not tell him I am a writer or that I intend to pass on his stories, he tells us his name several times and seems to take for granted that we will want to tell others what he has told us, and only asks that we remember and tell his name. He tells us that when he was eight years old in Italy during the Second World War, he went fifteen days without eating. He says this many times as he talks to us, a sort of punctuation between different stories. Fifteen day no eat.

He tells us that we are not enemies but humans, and that we must respect humanity. He spreads his hand out on the brick of the fence between him and us and points to each of his fingers and says that this is what people are like, each one different. He lays his left hand on top of his right and laces the fingers together and tells us that it is not easy to bring people together. Fifteen day no eat.

“There were children, he says, babies, who were murdered in the war only because they would cry in the night. Fifteen day no eat.”

One time the dog birthed 11 puppies and his father said Pasquale, don’t kill the babies and Pasquale said no, no, I won’t kill the babies, no, of course not, and his father told him to take six of the puppies to the molina. Pasquale said the mother of the puppies would go get them back but his father said go, take the puppies, and so Pasquale walked the two miles to the molina and the two miles back. That night, the mother walked the two miles to the molina and the two miles back six times, carried each puppy home in her mouth. Pasquale’s father cried and said my son, my son, how did you know? And Pasquale said, a mother is a mother, this is part of life, a mother is a mother. Fifteen day no eat. I think of my own dear good mother and of walking in any crowded place with her, how often she will look over her shoulder to check that I’m still there. But I know that not every mother is like my mother. Pasquale is telling me a story and I do not stop him to argue about maternal instincts. Fifteen day no eat.

His granddaughter walks across the yard. That is my granddaughter, he says, Bella. I wonder if Bella understands that her grandfather is a writer who never got the chance to write. Everyone who walks by while we’re talking says ciao, Pasquale! You must respect humanity, he tells us again. During those fifteen days, his grandmother told him to drink water, that that would make him feel better. He scrubs his hand hard across his mouth, shrugs. I didn’t want water, he says. I wanted food, I needed food. They called him up for the army when he was 19. He did not want to hurt anybody. He did his tour and left the army. He wants us to be mindful of how lucky we are never to have gone to war. He addresses us as gentlemen. Fifteen day no eat. He says goodbye to us three times but always there is a last story to tell. He bumps our fists. I have forgotten some of the stories. I waited too long to write this down. But there is a man in Astoria named Pasquale who says that someone ought to write his story down, and I have done what I can.

• • •

Breadcrumb #688

Chinmay Rastogi

She drives her motorcycle off the Old Silk route, leaving winding tarmac roads behind. Stones and pebbles kneaded into the dirt break the monotonous trumpet of her vehicle’s thump as she manoeuvres the fractured path. Her hold on the handle weakens when she grips the fuel tank with her legs, something she’d learned to do to better negotiate jagged terrains. An hour of bumpy ride later, she turns into the forest running along her right.

This time, she is not looking for a spot to lay down a sheet and spend an afternoon eating pakoras and blowing cigarette smoke into concentric circles - she recently stopped smoking because it doesn’t affect just her anymore. This time, she has not deviated from the dirt track, where other adventure seekers might have found their way, just to get away from people - she met someone a year ago. This time, she isn’t out to bask in the spring sun and be with nature in the hills of North-East India.

She learned something new about her body this week and wants to share it with the fat man who’d tried siccing his dog at her when she was first here two years ago. The poor dog had run up to her to do his master’s bidding but was old and ran out of breath by the time he reached her. He was glad to be petted and fondled, his tail weighed down by his age wagging like a heavy whip. His owner, quarantining himself from humans, was harder to befriend. But it was a cold evening, and she had rum and snacks.


“That was how she had unearthed friendship with the once famous archaeologist who had half a mind to turn into a prized relic.”

She kills the engine when his small hut comes in view. Tyres roll with a comforting whir on the supple grass. When the motorcycle exhausts its momentum and comes to a halt, she takes off her helmet and untangles her hair. The lack of sound inside the hut tells her he is perhaps sleeping. The woods are pregnant with stillness save for her fluttering hair and the carousel-shaped wind chime hanging at the hut’s entrance. She gets off. Bougainvillea petals litter the path, colouring it pink. Just as she’d thought, she finds him sleeping. But his posture and placement are unnatural.

Her brain goes into overdrive.

Moments later, her shriek rips apart the quiet surroundings.

It’s dawn by the time she’s done filling up the hole in the ground. She places the newspaper article with his name on its masthead as the headstone. She doesn’t want him resting in an unmarked grave, despite his strong desire to wipe his name from the world’s memory. For the second time in a week, she feels something in her belly. The first was a bloom. This is something wilting.

Breadcrumb #687

Kathryn Curto

“I see boxes. So many boxes.
A mixed bag.
Of boxes.”

***

It’s 11am and we’ve been going strong for an hour. I’m teaching in a skirt I’d never wear to work and a shirt that frames my upper body in a way that makes the day a little easier to tackle. Earrings I love and a little eucalyptus oil behind my ears and on my temples.  I stare at the screen.

Breathe.

Zoom. Rhymes with room.

But a real room is where I want to be now. A real room, with walls, some windows, chairs, a table to gather around or a series of desks to arrange in an orderly fashion before I leave and say to a colleague, the professor waiting to enter, “Have a good class.”

I want to grab a coffee at the campus snack café in between classes and run into a former student who tells me her piece, the one she read in class, is being published next month and, “Yay, let’s meet up to celebrate! Email me.”

I want to circle the parking lot three times and see those bright, bodacious brake lights shining to my right. I’ll tip my blinker down, flash the quintessential car smile accompanied by the quintessential car wave, to the driver who’s leaving. Off to work or home or maybe to Target. Then I’ll slide into the spot. The parking spot. The one I prayed I’d find.

Like Dorothy says when she comes to, in the final scene of The Wizard of Oz, “But it wasn't a dream. This was a real, truly live place.” But lately I’m far from coming to. I’m still dreaming of the “real, truly live place” that was, until March 15, 2020, where I spent most days.

Campus. School. Work.

Zoom. The word rolls off our tongues now. But before Covid when I heard the word Zoom I thought, very loosely, of two things. Fast cars. And that PBS show from the 1970s for kids bigger than me who were instructed to smile wide and yell out their names to the tune of a catchy theme song that I did not remember until right now.

Zoom. Rhymes with room.

Breathe.

Breadcrumb #685

ANNA GENEVIEVE WINHAM

I stand next to him, like I always do,
ask if he wants to be alone, return to the car
and watch him miss her, feeling broken too. 

A flickering screen’s crackling voice does not imbue
the bubbly cuddles she’d give if she weren’t far.
I stand next to him. Like I always do

I say something nice, lighten the load, or try to,
but it’s not right. There she is. Here we are, 
and watch: he misses her. Feeling broken, to

rush time we find night too soon. He knew
her absence would scab each day a scar.
I stand, next, to him. Like I, all ways do

return to ruminations on this glue
which binds them, seals a door once left ajar.
And watch him miss her! Feeling broke in two

I know I have to go, but linger through
another moon, another turn around the star:
I stand, “next!” to him, like I always do, 
and watch him miss her feeling broken too.

• • •

Breadcrumb #684

KOSCINA RENAUD-TATE

Never quiet
No street is silent
On the porch
With my head in the clouds
Sweet scents of summer
The warm touch of the wind
Gives me life
When I’m near death
Revives me
A place I know too well
A porch that holds many stories
My safety blanket 

Fire hydrants without the cap
Children skipping through
Forceful waters
A hot summer’s day
Laughter overtakes the block
Smells of charcoal burn my nose
Mr. Softee sings to me
Oh to be a Brooklyn kid again 

The sweet sounds of the steel pan
Hastily creeps throughout the parkway
Bright and colorful feathers perfectly placed
Massive headdresses and skimpy costumes
They dance, jump, and hop
It’s a celebration
A poof of powder takes me away 

Venturing out of the borough
I hop in a dollar cab
Tightly packed like sardines
I roll down the window
Brownstones line the street
Spike Lee’s Do the Right Thing
Blasting Hot97 from a brownstone’s stoop
These streets are always on the move
The Jamaican accents linger in the air
As reggae blares over the speakers
Sharp turns and honking horns
Speed demon drivers
I finally arrive 

Hot and muggy underground
Swarms of people anxiously wait
The 2 train screeches to a halt
The announcement plays
Flatbush Avenue Brooklyn College 

Where to?
Manhattan or the Bronx?
Staten Island or Queens?
These four complete the five
A quick visit with an undecided agenda
Friends or shopping
Sightseeing or lunch 

I abandon the porch
But I always return
To the place I fell in love with
My birthplace
My home
The Brooklyn kid
Lives in me

• • •