Breadcrumb #231

JUNYOUNG CHOI

All citizens of the United States are obligated to finish a product’s advertisement or contribute equally and democratically to the cost of its production; one shall not resume any activity on the ‘web’ until such an advertisement is finished.

Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.

    “NBA 2K98, level up fast and dominate your friends in the new VR My Player mode, NOW AVAILABLE AT... 

    I cannot stand these god damn ads. Way too long and they don’t even try to be interesting anymore. They know my computer will just pause everything I’m doing and freeze if I turn my eyes away from the screen. Honestly, scums. Fuck it. I guess I have some cash to spare. 

    “Thank you! Your current balance is $7202.91.” 

They know my computer will just pause everything I’m doing and freeze if I turn my eyes away from the screen.

    At least before all this bullshit happened, the ads used to show what I wanted to see. Of course, they were still annoying so I had AdBlock on like everybody else, but now? It’s a shitshow. I just don’t understand how we got here! 

    It’s all about what the majority wants. Fuck the majority! I mean, I’m a middle-age pothead single mom who likes horror movies and I’m sitting here getting ads like–– oh, there we go, there it is. Again. 

    “Watch Dolores Rose in hardcore bdsm (37 minutes) - POWR Experience this life-like 4D...” 

    Wow, I cannot believe you Google.

“Thank you! Your current balance is $7195.92.”

    These, I detest the most. They always come out of nowhere. At the worst times. I remember when my 6 year old son Tommy and I were watching the new Disney movie, and this porn website just wouldn’t stop popping up every twenty minutes. I must’ve spent at least $300 on skipping ads that day. Absolutely ridiculous. 

    “Order Now! The newest strain from your favorite dispensary: ½ ounce of Purpleberry Trainwreck for only $240! [ $320 ON SALE → $240]...” 

    This, I like. They obviously show these to me because I’m probably the Green Cross Dispensary’s VVIP customer. 

    “Thank you for your purchase! Your scheduled delivery is: today, at 4pm. Your current balance is $6955.92.” 

    Nice. 4pm. 4pm? 

    Shit! I completely forgot to order sushi for lunch and Tommy’s getting home from kindergarten in, about half an hour. Oh my fucking goodness how no why the fuck isn’t my address saved on my own Seamless account?! 

    Let’s see… Okay, it’s like 12:30 right now so if I order right this second it may deliver in time for when Tommy... 

    “Watch Samantha Ocean and Dolores Rose in heated lesbian threesome (51 minutes) - POWR Experience this life-like 4D clip for just $35!” 

    You know what? Fine. Ha! Fuck ordering this food, god damn it. Is this what you wanted to see? I cannot believe I’m turned on by this.

    “Thank you for your purchase! Your clip will begin shortly; please put on the VR set and enjoy! Your current balance is $6920.92.”

• • •