Breadcrumb #596
TSAHAI MAKEDA
He missed the movie, and that’s when she realized that she was of little value to him. It was just a movie so she didn’t apply much weight to his indifference at the time.
“I couldn’t get off work any earlier.” He told her.
“Did you ask?” She quizzed.
“Well, no, but I didn’t because I already knew what the answer would be,” he retorted, “besides, it’s just a movie.”
Her urgency to be loved by him let his passive rejections be okay for they were temporary. Momentary. At the turn, the obstacles that he delicately placed before him as he hesitantly moved toward her, would be removed. Then he would go to her and satisfy a hunger that developed inside her. So she married him.
This scene replayed in Stoney’s mind as she sat in the clinic waiting room. Chet always made Stoney wait. For dates. For leaving the house in the mornings to commute together to work. For dinner. For the commute back home after work. For appointments. The nurse had already called for her once. Waiting for Chet aggravated Stoney and she had a mind to go in without him. But that wouldn’t be fair. This was for him too. She told the nurse to take the waiting couple ahead of her because her husband was delayed a few minutes. This annoyed the nurse, but she obliged. “We can reschedule you if this isn’t a good time.” The nurse said this to her with a tone that let Stoney know she wasn’t really asking.
“He is parking now,” Stoney forced a smile, “it should just be a few minutes for him to come up.”
“Alright then. As soon as he’s up let Amy know and we’ll get you in a room.”
“Thanks.” Stoney replied, and sighed.
Conception was a challenge for Stoney and Chet, but she wanted it, even if it was with him. Even if he probably didn’t. He never said with his words, he was not good at using his words, but his energy implied that maybe this wasn’t for him. And though the part which he enjoyed, where they worked and worked at it, creating a life seemed to bypass them. It was like the universe was saying to them, “No.” Stoney didn’t like no. She didn’t like disappointment, she had her fill. She didn’t like not having options. So this would be her option. This had to work.
“It worked this time.” Stoney closed her eyes and repeated this mantra to herself softly. Over and over again. “It worked this time. It worked this time. It worked this time. It wor--.” She was interrupted by a firm hand resting on her shoulder.
“Who are you talking to?” It was Chet. “You don’t have your earbuds in? I thought you were on the phone.”
“What took you so long? The nurse called us twice already.” Stoney asked sympathetically.
“I’m here now so let’s go in.” He offered a hand to help her stand.
“I can do it, thanks.” She didn’t take his hand.
Chet watched Stoney walk to the counter and he followed behind her. The hesitancy in his movement made her turn to look at him and her eyes said what she was thinking, why are you over there still when I’m over here. He moved solemnly, purposefully not touching anything. He didn’t like doctor’s offices. He said that’s where germs congregated, to find new meeting space. It was odd to him to be discussing life in a space where everything felt to him as if on the cusp of dying. Chet leaned on the edge of the counter allowing only his sleeves to touch and with his hands tucked firmly under his arms. “Are you okay?” He asked Stoney. He didn’t look at her.
“It was odd to him to be discussing life in a space where everything felt to him as if on the cusp of dying.”
“I’m okay.” She stared blankly at the painting that hung behind the clerks desk. It was a painting of a dock completely surrounded by water, but seeming to go nowhere. She smirked but she didn’t look back at Chet. “I’m hopeful and scared, but I’m okay.”
“There’s nothing to be afraid of. If it worked, it worked. And if not...well…” He was staring at the painting now also.
Stoney turned and looked at him. Though he felt her gaze, he did not unfix his stare. He focused on the painting.
“Well what?” She asked as her glare burned through his cheek and disintegrated whatever words rose to his mouth for him to utter. He did not answer so she insisted. She reached for his chin and turned his face to meet hers. He let her. “Finish your thought. Please.” She demanded firmly.
“Babe. It’s nothing. We can talk about it at home.” He turned away from her again as the nurse approached the desk.
“Mr. and Mrs. Morgan, you can come back now.” Amy pointed to the door and Chet and Stoney walked in. The corridor was bright and cold and a light fragrant waft of sage and lavender moved over them as they got to the doctor’s door.
“Come in, please, Mr. and Mrs. Morgan. Have a seat.” The doctor lazily waved his arm in the direction of the two chairs in front of his desk. He had two oversized windows directly behind him that had no covering; no curtains, no blinds. There were sprawling woods through those windows and trees were all anyone could see. “Thank you for coming in. I know this has been a most difficult of times for you and we’ve come a long way.” The doctor took turns giving measured and equal glances to Stoney and then to Chet. They both stared back at him, hanging on to his every word.
“It’s been difficult, yes doctor, but worth it I’m hoping.” Stoney said.
“Well Mrs. Morgan. Your test results came back positive. I am confident and delighted to tell you both that you are expecting.”
Stoney closed her eyes because she could feel them welling up with tears. When she opened them, a single tear moved slowly down her cheek, as if it didn’t want to leave its point of origin. “Doctor,” she said softly, “you are sure?!”
“Well Mrs. Morgan, we…you,” he chuckled with glee, “you are at the 10 week mark. It’s still early but safe enough to say that this time, it worked.”
Stoney smiled and looked down at her folded hands in her lap. She turned to look at Chet. His gaze was blank. He was looking past the doctor and out the window at the trees.
“Mr. Morgan?” The doctor said. “Sir, are you alright?”
Chet shifted his focus and looked at the doctor to reply. “Yes, yes doc!” He said emphatically. “It’s great news.” He tried to convince himself of what he was saying in the hopes that it would at least sound convincing to the doctor and especially to Stoney. He loved her. He loved her in a way that forever didn’t seem that long. He just didn’t want the same things that she did, but he wasn’t willing to give her up because of it. “Great news.” He said and turned and looked at Stoney, who was watching him longingly.
“It worked this time.” She whispered to him and reached for his hand.
“It did Stoney, love.” He took her hand. “It really did work this time.” He closed his eyes and then gently, he kissed her hand.