Breadcrumb #640
EMILY PRESENT
i pop a turquoise tic tac on my tongue
lingering on a cold dream
my desk is scattered with dead plants
and thank you notes from people i don’t know
i miss my old therapist
i miss my dead dog
i miss my ex abusive lover
there are sex scandals
a rape testimony on the news today
i’m sitting in a open air cubicle
listening to my organs die
i think about the her and all of the hers
i think about me
the times i never really said yes
i didn't say no
i teared into the pillow
or with eyes closed
thinking about the laundrynail polish
i don’t know if any of that counts
i don’t know if
i count
a lot of it i can’t remember
i wasn’t my full self
i was asleep or,
rather,
something else
so i tell myself it never really happened
i tell myself i never really happened
they were never there
neither was i
i suck the tic tac so hard
my tongue starts to bleed
the color coating is gone
it's a hard shell
no color
it dissolves into my mouth