Breadcrumb #640

EMILY PRESENT

i pop a turquoise tic tac on my tongue
lingering on a cold dream

my desk is scattered with dead plants 
and thank you notes from people i don’t know

i miss my old therapist
i miss my dead dog
i miss my ex abusive lover

there are sex scandals 
a rape testimony on the news today

i’m sitting in a open air cubicle 
listening to my organs die

i think about the her and all of the hers
i think about me

the times i never really said yes 
i didn't say no

i teared into the pillow
or with eyes closed
thinking about the laundrynail polish

i don’t know if any of that counts

i don’t know if
 i count

a lot of it i can’t remember

i wasn’t my full self 
i was asleep or,
rather,
 something else

so i tell myself it never really happened
i tell myself i never really happened

they were never there
neither was i

i suck the tic tac so hard
my tongue starts to bleed
the color coating is gone 

it's a hard shell
no color

 it dissolves into my mouth

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