Breadcrumb #662

TRACE DEPASS

what is to be the chick of the bird the flock hates. whose requiem
have i been singing since birth, mine or his? what is huxtable proximity? what is light skin citizen privilege? the privilege of English & particularly working English? one aunt soon passes in quarantine, in isolation, alone, supposedly in recovery & another aunt calls me about my grandmother's potential corona inheritance, her bad athsma, her son & brother leaving for Florida again like niggas do to go be away from niggas, their standard deviation standard, except i have nothing to do with what they do, we all got our own shit:

i know your father hates me for some reason but if he ever needed me i would be there, the family would be there. I talked to him about karen's drunk ass trynna fight [Aunt] Pat, how she aint family no more, how we still celebrate your graduation, how when your uncle brought up money your father owed him your father couldn't be held accountable without further verbal assault on both their accounts, why are they like this? Why is this how men survive? He victimized, isolated himself, & played the victim. To whose surprise? Idk… [Aunt] Pat put on Facebook, looking pitiful, that she got COVID too. I think she'll be okay. i know

i'm at peace with looming death & being a brother in my mother's house writing the poem. i'll be dropping off wheatgrass, ginger, spirulina, tomorrow. my mother yesterday considered how her mother considered locking him up & my father is super positioned between jail & not jail because it take an observer, another word for writer, for him to be seen at all. schrodinger's matter property is what he is, he made me, sometimes he was there, sometimes he was not, another quantum reference to my narrative, & what about it? what was once a critique i made, i choose to be real, had damned us.

so many transitions, one cousin to a father, one play cousin
non-binary, one cousin to a woman, & my father wether or not he is in pain is still the same just as any number countable after infinity, after a universe, is still omega, still post-aleph null, my father not alpha nor omega yet decided to name himself after me & how about that? is it that i should have done a better job choosing him, my father, my derivative from which i derive, my core drive, my RAM & motor functions, my vascular shadow i keep alive by walking in light to the line of fire, my veteran father. so abled & enabling, us.

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